Ask an Expert: My child is refusing to let me help with homework.

Q. My child refuses to do homework and resists my help. What to do?

A. A wise principal drilled me with this mantra, “seek first to understand.” Using this as a lodestone I would encourage you to find out some information before you proceed:

  • What’s the school policy on homework?
  • Is the homework your child is bringing home just the required 1-2 hours a night?
  • Does your kiddo understand how this work is connecting to what has happened that day in class? Is it connected?
  • Is the work that is coming home clearly explained  or is this something  parents are  supposed  to re- teach or re-explain?
  • If the student was absent or wasn’t listening is there a link or a web page for extra support?
  • How is the homework dealt with once the student gets it back to school?  Does your kiddo get a check?  Is it evaluated somehow?  Does it matter?

A cup of tea and a chat

Celestial Seasonings makes some wonderful non-caffeinated Tension Tamer tea. You might want to sit down with your student and a cup of tea. Figure out  what you and he/ she knows about why homework is even coming home before you proceed.

There is a place for homework but unless you want nights to disintegrate into battle zones you might work to find a place of buy-in for the two of you.  That buy-in will often starts with:

  • Understanding;
  • Goals you can agree on;
  • Structure  (e.g. snack then homework right after school);
  • Consequences/ rewards.

Back to the beginning… You can’t enforce a policy you don’t philosophically believe. As you do your homework about the school’s philosophy you’ll find yourself connected in some important ways. That will be a nice win-win place as well.  You might find yourself able to volunteer in one of the classes that need extra hands and then less work will come home.

 

About our First Person series:

First Person is where Chalkbeat features personal essays by educators, students, parents, and others trying to improve public education. Read our submission guidelines here.