One in 14 children and young teens in the United States have experienced the incarceration of a parent. I know firsthand the challenges that come with this painful situation.
While in middle school, I spent many weekends in the car, making the eight-hour journey from Maryland to rural upstate New York to visit my mom in prison. These visits always felt bittersweet: I looked forward to spending time with her, but I also felt nervous about seeing her in such an unwelcoming environment. I remember forcing myself to put on a brave face so as not to let my mom see me sad.
My mom was released when I was 15, and through my hard work and familial support, I graduated high school and enrolled in college. I’m studying psychology, criminology, and Spanish with the hopes of becoming a clinical psychologist. I want to use my life experience and research skills to help children who have experienced trauma, including parental incarceration. I’m proud of my success, but I know that schools can do more to help students like me.
When my mom was in prison, I was reluctant to talk about it with friends, let alone with teachers. Children of incarcerated parents often face judgment. In reality, we have no control over our situation. To combat this stigma, schools need to address this issue openly and create opportunities for sharing. Connecting with others who have been impacted by parental incarceration helps people feel less alone.
On my college campus, I founded the UnLocked Project, an organization to support high school and college students in and around D.C. with incarcerated or formerly incarcerated parents. We offer facilitated peer support groups and information about scholarships, visitation support, mentorship programs, and other local and national resources.
In the past year, we have created a community of students who have experienced the incarceration of a loved one and students who haven’t but are passionate about social justice. We’ve spoken about our experiences in front of hundreds of students, hosted peer support groups, and are planning an event with a researcher who studies incarceration and families.
The UnLocked Project is one of the things that I am most proud of in my college career. I’m also part of Osborne Association’s See Us, Support Us, or SUSU, a national effort to create a community for and raise awareness about children with incarcerated parents. The sooner that these children feel seen and heard on this issue, the better.
It is deeply traumatic to be separated from your parent and to worry about their well-being. It can also be very isolating. I remember feeling like I was the only one going through maternal incarceration, unaware that many thousands of kids around the country were experiencing the same thing. We need support and community, yet one of the biggest challenges is that students often don’t know what resources are available or how to access them.
For example, I didn’t find out about scholarships or mental health services for children of incarcerated parents until my senior year of high school, two years after my mom had been released from prison. And what I learned, I found out not from my school but by Googling.
School communities and districts should create a centralized place — maybe it’s a website, maybe it’s a resource center — where students and their caregivers can find the support and programs they need without having to ask for it directly, which can be intimidating.
I also recommend that teachers convey to students their support by posting the Children of Incarcerated Parents Bill of Rights, which includes statements such as “I have the right to be heard when decisions are made about me” and “I have the right to be well cared for in my parent’s absence.” Teachers and school libraries should also carry books about children of incarcerated parents. Just knowing that there’s an adult at school who understands can make a world of difference.
Professional development for educators and school staff about mass incarceration and its impact on children is also critical and must include opportunities to reflect on implicit biases they may hold about incarcerated people and their families. The SUSU Educator Toolkit is a great place to start.
Teachers and school leaders should understand that a student who is acting out in class or struggling academically might be dealing with challenges at home related to parental incarceration. After all, children with an incarcerated parent are exposed to five times as many adverse childhood experiences as their counterparts. These kinds of experiences can undermine our sense of safety and stability, which can impact how we are able to show up in school. It’s important that the adults we interact with are aware and able to respond to our needs.
By taking these steps, schools can create an environment where students with incarcerated parents feel seen, affirmed, and equipped to succeed. We are our own individuals with dreams and aspirations. We are not defined by our parents’ past. With less stigma and the right help, we can thrive.
Anna Tovchigrechko is a junior at the University of Maryland and the founder of the UnLocked Project.